Today I fasted, practiced yoga, played basketball, played movement games for hours with my daughter in the sun, drank herbal teas, gardened and meditated.
Yesterday I sat on the couch and watched family movies all day with a heavy dosing of chocolate.
Neither choice is inherently bad or good.
Neither choice makes me a good or bad person.
Both choices make me human. Both choices are sometimes wrong for me and sometimes right.
Both choices are healthy and unhealthy, depending on context.
This time both choices came from following my rightness on the day, in (the moment and letting go of the ‘shoulds’.
(I don’t always manage to escape the shoulds!)
It’s is so easy to judge ourselves based on some random set of rules we have agreed tell us what is right and what is wrong.
Let’s go deeper.
Why is that choice better or this one worse?
Go deeper than the cultural/social narrative. It is too rigid to actually be useful.
Go to the place deep inside, into the guts of you. Into your bones, your womb, your balls, your whatever resides within you that is not of your mind. This part understands context and cares little for external reference points.
Our choices are wrong or right only when they do or do not align with OUR rightness.
I invite you to notice which of your choices you judge good or bad and when you choose them do you also label yourself good or bad? Are you good when you eat spinach and bad when you eat ice cream? How come? Good when you train and bad when you lie around?
Is ice cream not EXACTLY what is needed sometimes? Is spinach sometimes totally a kick in the pants when you need pleasure, joy and comfort??? Is training perhaps a silly idea when you are exhausted, sick, crushed or actually in the need of something else?
If we drop the should, the ought to, the have to, the better and go with the want to, desire to, wish to, choose to, we often land in a place of serving our rightness (what we actually need in a given moment). Not in a place where we are listening to someone else’s judgements on what is right for us or perhaps trying to redeem some idea that underneath it all we need to prove our worth in the world by doing things deemed ‘right’.
See the thing is that we are bad, we are good, we are neither, we are both. Same goes for the things we choose.
Choices are choices but operating from an internal authority is freedom. Freedom to be truth to ourselves, to be how we are underneath the ‘rules’. This freedom is our birthright, it is our home, it is our belonging and ultimately it is our destination.
Before we choose, let’s give ourselves a moment to stop, breathe and notice what our body is saying. Let’s notice how our body feels when we consider each option. When do we feel tightness or lightness and ease.
This can be our compass. This allows us to be our own version of truth (not a puppet of external forces). In these choices we get to choose ourselves.